And then my father died...


This week see's me talking about living in cloud cuckoo land. Open and frank talking about a life pestered by mental illness. Don't fear I don't go out at night painting badgers pink or 'owt like that. I'm doing this to raise awareness of  Black Dog Tribe, a community network set up by Ruby Wax to promote amongst other things the open discussion of mental health issues. Go visit them, check them out and spread the word be it with a tweet or a mention to a friend over a cuppa. Yesterday I wrote about my teenage years and so now I am moving on to the early half of my twenties.

I got married at 19 years of age to a man who is to this day probably my best friend. I had my first, much wanted child when I was twenty. I found childbirth rather horrific, there was no drama during the birth apart from some *eeeek* slight tearing *crosses legs*. I went from a sloth like being who slept till noon every day to a sleep deprived new-mother. I need my sleep, lack of it effects me negatively.

A few weeks into my first born childs life I climbed into the loft and hid. No one knew where I was and to be honest I wasn't fussed on coming down. I was told by those around me to 'pull myself together' and that I was 'attention seeking'. I don't blame those who said that to me, if you haven't experience a negative mental experience before then you really cannot begin to relate to how it feels. My heart goes out to any family member of anyone suffering with any sort of depression.

There followed  five years of mayhem, big highs and huge lows. I can only apologise to anyone who knew me around that time. Highs were the birth of my second and third children. The lowest low of the time came simultaneously as I embarked upon an affair with someone and my marriage began to collapse - my father died. A postman, aged 54, he was taken very ill during his postal rounds and rushed to hospital. I was called by a nurse who told me I needed to get to the hospital a.s.a.p. My strong dad was led there, pale and tired and told me that he thought that 'this is it'. He died a few hours later en route to Frenchay Hospital from an aortic aneurysm.

I lost the plot at the worse time for my mother and those around me. Everything is a blur from that era these days. I really said and did some terrible things. It's made worse by only partially remembering it myself.

In 1999  I met a chap that was to become my second husband and divorced my first husband. Over the following 3 years I gave birth to another three children. A year after that my life changed dramatically for the worse and has never fully recovered...

Sorry but tomorrow will get rather sad...

In the meantime please check out my Ho Ho Ho Ha Ha Ha page  which will tell you all about how you can join in a video I'm putting together of 'stills', photos, images, drawings sent by normal folk of something festive and funny for a festive finale of support for Black Dog Tribe. It is so easy to join in x

If you'd like to show some support for Black Dog Tribe then you can follow them on Twitter and send them a tweet of support, like them on Facebook or go one step further and add this 'badge' to your blog.

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