I had a mini-crisis yesterday – What should I wear to the Tots100 Christmas Party this weekend ?! This is an un-typically girly quandary for myself as I am a woman who wears corduroy flares and converse 98% of the time, nope there's no classy designer clothed diva residing here. Nada. I have two dresses in my possession, one which I have worn to a couple of blogger events in the past couple of months and one that I wear to funerals. Either one is not a good look, I need to portray an image- god knows what that image is but I seriously doubt that it’s the image of a woman with only two dresses in her wardrobe, one of which being the kind that you have to die before being exposed to...
Bearing that in mind I ventured on a mission of mercy avec Ozzy yesterday. Ozzy is an expert purveyor of fine fashion and has an eye for nouveau-chic a-symmetrical lines that Gok would hack off his right arm with a rusty junior hacksaw to have. He just had to come along with me because of his fashion sense skillz (and because Papasaurus had been called into work and no one else could look after him).
Ozzy is two years old and lamentably refers to me only as 'Nommy'. His likes include things that are ‘red’, dinsosaurs and 'neee-narrrs'. His dislikes include things that are 'not red',being told 'no' and walking for hours on end round shopping centres. Nevertheless once I had filled his little mind with the promise of a ‘very berry muffin’ from Pret A Manger he pulled it out of the bag and hung round various changing rooms while mummy tried on (wedged on on more than one occasion) various dresses. One lesson learnt from this mother-son shopping spree was NEVER and I repeat NEVER let a two year old in a changing room with you unless their arms are gaffa-taped to their sides else you’ll have moments of complete exposure to strangers whilst your muffin top is as it’s palest and most vunerably exposed.
I’ll cut to the chase, I bought a jersey dress, a rather mumsie one too. It’s not glittery, there are no sequins and I won’t be wearing it with heels. I have gone for ‘damage limitation wear’. It’s not so clingy I will have to spend the entire night sucking my belly in and it can be easily hitched up for when the lucky lady who gets to spend the night with me, Baby Baby, finds me slumped over a warm G&T and has to give me a piggyback to bed. The absence of heels of course means I hold a much reduce risk of falling flat on my face and I won't spend the night waddling round as if I have a pineapple inserted in to my anus whilst feeling my feet slowly start to burn in pain.
The anticipation is high for the weekend. I am having just over 24 hours child and husband free. I have a new dress and lipstick and some blinging new festive shades...and I am mentally prepared for the fun to commence!