Wanted – ‘Satans own Hand Print Monster’!


They appear anywhere and everywhere seemingly at random, in-discriminant of their positioning and you never see them actually being made ... no you don't have to call GhostBusters just yet ... we're talking about a parents nemesis - sticky hand prints. Sticky hand prints  -  on walls, windows, cupboards, curtains, car windows, doors and my research leads me to believe are most prevalent on glass patio doors. They range in colours, from white through the whole spectrum of the rainbow to shocking red if you are really unlucky. Always between the 2ft and 3 ft high mark I am led to believe that they are the work of ‘Satans own Hand Print Monster’, a sneaky bugger who stealthily hides away until my back is turned and then STRIKES! (And yes the whole Caps Lock thing just then was completely necessary for sinister impact purposes).

My research also leads me to conclude that they are most likely to appear at the most inopportune moments. For example, the mother-in-law visits, you know she's coming and frantically spend a good half hour lugging armfuls of toys and general 'mess' to the nearest cupboard to 'deal with later' (aka take back out and re-dump in original position). If you are really out to impress you get the hoover out and spray the Febreeze round to mask any odours of the last pooey nappy that you find still lingering in the air. Kiddies faces wiped and CBeebies turned off, educational toys such as jigsaws and flashcards laid out on the coffee table to give the illusion that you have spent the whole morning stimulating and educating their precious grandchildren (and not on Facebook / blogging / Ebaying / trying to understand Twitter ). Et voila! You are ready for her arrival! Suitably impressed with your amazing mothering skills, cup of tea in hand she sits on the sofa as do you, finally starting to unwind from the pre-visit cleaning fest you have undertaken. and then you see it...just behind her left shoulder on the cushion - a huge streak of crusty dried snot, and to her right on the window pane smeary hand prints galore most probably from milk tipped from a beaker onto the hand print monsters hands before artistically rubbed onto the glass. And there you have it another masterstroke of mischief  by ‘Satans own Hand Print Monster’.

Here's one I caught earlier, note how it looks rather sheepish at being caught licking the green pen already on its hand into a perfectly evil hand-print-waiting-to-happen...

Where's the strangest place you have discovered ‘Satans own Hand Print Monster’ has visited in your home?

Annie SprattComment