I’ve been pondering for a few days about the best title for this post, I’m aiming for something that makes people understand what it’s about without attracting the ‘wrong sort’ of reader…what a flipping nightmare! I should just add now that this isn’t meant to be a ‘shock controversial’ type of post otherwise I would had titled it ‘Help my preschoolers m*ste*b*ting!’
Bean is 3 now and for the past year she has been rubbing herself when tired, down below. It happens the way way every time, she gets tired, lies down on her front and starts to wiggle about rubbing herself and if you question what she’s doing she says she is ‘doing her bits’. It’s not something one normally talks about in polite society however this morning I was sat in a coffee shop with a friend and confided in her of Beans ‘doing her bits’ only to be met with a sigh of relief that her daughter (aged 2) does it too when she gets tired and she’s felt unable to tell anyone. It’s got me wondering that maybe it’s just a normal, natural thing but that maybe there are other parents out there who are encountering this sort of behaviour and worrying. I know this isn’t a sexual act, she does it purely because she finds some sort of comfort or enjoyment out of it.
Of course it’s a hard thing to actually phrase, so for this post I’ll refer to it in Beans own words of ‘doing her bits’, I’d like to steer clear of such descriptive phrases as ‘grinding’, ‘humping’ and ‘pleasuring’ which although are relevant may attract the wrong sort of attention.
When she first started to do this we discussed the best way to approach it. There was much ‘tell her not to do it’ and ‘she should go to her bedroom if she’s going to do that type of thing’ discussions between myself and Papasaurus. Finally we decided to tackle it like most toddler/pre-school behaviour with not making a big deal out of it and simply ignoring it. It’s odd that even with a toddler you over-analyse your parental decision making, will how I handle this situation have any bearing on her future being? It may sound a bit bonkers but I really did worry that if I tell her it’s ‘dirty and wrong’ (which I don’t believe is true) that she’d grow up into some sort of repressed young woman!
We have told her that it’s something that should only be done at home though – the thought of kindergarten ringing me up to have the ‘your daughter appears to be pleasuring herself’ talk is enough to make me go and crawl in the cupboard under the stairs where it’s dark never come out again…
I do worry though that maybe it’s not the ‘done thing’, after all if we are sat as a family on the sofa reading books or watching a film and she sprawls out and starts ‘doing her bits’ is that acceptable? Gosh she’s only 3 years old – it really can’t be time for our first ‘uncomfortable chat’ can it ?!
The problem is is that we live in a culture of ‘got a problem? Google it!’ and I don’t want to try and Google about this for fear of what I may be greeted with.
So my question is does your child do this / has done this and how do/did you handle it? It has on occasions stressed me out quite a bit, she shows no sign of growing out of it yet and I do wonder whether my relaxed attitude is right (ah the good old parental self-doubt!)
I appreciate that this topic may not be the most comfortable for people so feel free to comment anonymously if you so wish…