This week I went to Blogcamp London. I learnt stuff, crapped on to anyone who would listen, made sexy grinds against Sally Whittles leg and … I fell in love.
Not a love of the pure and attainable variety, nor the sort of love that makes you pretend to like Acid Jazz. Twas not the kind of love that makes one hold in ones muffin top whilst simultaneously thrusting out one’s breasts and most certainly not the kind of love that stands in a alley in a full-length beige mac on dark night.
Oh no, this is blog love. Admittedly the guy in question, Stuart Heritage, may be one foxy piece of ass but that is categorically not why love was stirred. For I am a professional, a serious mother ducker. I cannot be swayed by hair the colour of golden corn, the body of Adnois or charming wit. No no, I am a sucker for a blog that’s witty/sarcastic/funny/generally epicness. So yes I fell in love. Seriously, don’t take my word for it read this and you’ll understand where I am coming from.
But I should not speak of this love especially the foxy piece of ass part. Because of the Greg Wallace incident. What? You mean I haven’t told you about the Greg Wallace affair*?
Ok, well it happened like this … A new series of Masterchef began and I idly tweeted out something vague like ‘Phwoarrr Greg Wallace is back on our screens‘ (what can I say – I freaking love pudding). Two minutes later and Greg tweets that @mammasaurusblog is watching Masterchef.
HOLY GUACAMOLE the Wallacemeister tweeted about me,an insignificant earthling, I needed to step up to the plate and tweet again (note carefully worded food reference) but I bottled out, other than brushing my boobs up against Phil Jupitus’s sweaty arm at a Bloc Party gig back in circa 2007 this way my biggest celeb-interaction.
A few days later I plucked up courage (gin-in-a-tin was possibly involved) “@GreggAWallace can lick my buttery biscuit base any day of the week “. And I wait… The response comes… ‘Cheeky’. Random odd tweetings follow, nothing regular, nothing of substance. Until one evening I sent something to the effect of ‘@GreggAWallace can lick my spoon anytime’ . Then it happens. The thing. The two words to crush me. The fatal 2 worded tweet ‘I’m married‘.
I head butt the laptop, down a can of GT&PG and run a bath. Fuck. That line, the dont cross line ? Did i just moonwalk over it?
A week later i get an email from another blogger, it’s a link to a newspaper article covering the ‘Greg Wallace annouces split from wife amidst rumours that hes found some new lady friend on Twitter’. Under the link are 3 words…
‘Is that you?’
So now i love from afar, a repressed love, we can all learn one thing from this…my love should most definately be silent.
*Not an affair in the bouncy bouncy pumpy pumpy sense of the word
I'm Annie and I live in the depths of the New Forest. Mother to many, wife to one, blogger, creative type, lover of real books and a bit of a lush.
Oh my GOD Annie – now what have you done?!
*looks very innocent* nothing
Mahahahahahaha…..breathe……mahahahahahahaha
*passes paper bag*
THAT is pure comedy genius!
You have got to be KIDDING. No way! Ha ha ha …. Oh Annie!
).
Umm haha…well that’s not something you hear of everyday!
Love that. Hubster says fair play to you cos “You know, his wife was proper fit”
Heh heh husbands have the built in ability to recall every hottie they ever cast their eyes on don’t they ?!
soooooooo………….was it you?!
I can see the Daily Mail headline now ‘Irresponsible breeding machine breaks up Wallace’s Marriage’, filled with tenuous culinary phrases such as ‘she was dicing with danger’
No no rest assured if it was me I would have blogged about it a long time ago
Hee hee! Was that headline actually real????
Mind you, with your filthy mind it wouldn’t surprise me.
*guffaws*
Now you leave that Stuart boy alone. He seemed like such a nice young man…
Is that newspaper article for real or am I doing my normal thing of being naive with my middle name as gullible?
Liska x
Tale well told though xx
Yup the newspaper article was for real – I’ll see if its still in the depths of my inbox now!
Ha ha diddy ha ’twas the day far your rain soaked birthday celebrations in brizza too funny. I too love a buttery biscuit base did you know the remix has been released he he
oh my gawd, bloody brilliant, as always
Totally get the GW crush, something rather erotic about the way he eats a bread and butter pudding…
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