Today dear reader, something that fills me with even more anger than the people who like to finger and squeeze fruit in the supermarket before putting it back, I am going to try my utmost to rant with a modicum of decorum about one thing that really get’s my goat – people who have never spoken to you before that tweet you demanding a re-tweet.
One wouldn’t stroll into the library, meander over to a total stranger, hand them a book and shout ‘TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS BOOK’ and then just walk off again. I mean you may do, but chances are that you’d either be on or in need of, medication.
One wouldn’t potter up the fruit and veg aisle of Sainsburys and shout in someone’s face ‘TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS CARROT’ and then stroll on shopping for pak choi.
Even worse still, shout in someone’s face ‘TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS CARROT’ whilst waving a really withered, skanky carrot at you.
Some things you can do online that you can’t do in real life. I could tweet Katy Hill,whilst wearing tea stained pyjamas and no supportive bra, and have a brief conversation. If I did that in real life she’d edge away nervously towards the telephone and have a restraining order taken out against me faster than you can say ‘Blue Peter’. Cheeky things like that are one of the perks of Twitter. But manners are manners and should be maintained online.
I get quite a few tweets asking me to re-tweet things. I’m a happy soul generally, I don’t mind someone tweeting to ask for a RT if it’s something they really want sharing- but – and with me there is always a big but (or should that be butt?)
“RT my latest blog post http://ihavenofuckingmanners.com/honestlyihavent “
Let’s analyze that tweet shall we? Spot the missing word anyone?
Yes, PLEASE would be nice – with or without caps lock, I’m not fussy. You want your blog post shared – and that’s cool, we’ve all been there – I get it. But here’s the lowdown – if you haven’t got time to ask nicely then I don’t have time to hit RT.
A good 80% of tweets that I get like the above are from people WHO AREN’T EVEN FOLLOWING MEEEEEEEEEE. Who never, ever interact with me other than to tweet me telling me to re-tweet them. At this point I get really rage ridden. That person isn’t saying please AND isn’t interested in what I have say AND I can’t even un-follow them out of anger AND they didn’t say please (did I mention that already?) But yes of course I’d love to go and read that post and RT it WHEN THE HOT POOLS OF SATANIC JUICE IN HADES FREEZE OVER .