Do you / would you post photos of your child on-line?
I would, absolutely without a moments hesitation – but I have read quite a few opinions of late that are very much the opposite of mine and it’s got the old cobwebby Mammasaurus mind-cogs turning…
The great thing about opinions is that we all have them and that we’ll never all agree on every topic. I often form opinions only to read a differing view and it makes me question and reassess my viewpoint. Hopefully that’s a positive thing but I do wonder if it really means I’m just a fickle beast.
I have posted photographs of my children on my blog and seen no reason not to do so personally. If I want to pop up a fun picture one Sunday of my kiddies splashing in the bath then that’s what I’ll do. But at the same time I appreciate that not everyone would be comfortable with this. And some it seems would be very much against this if reading various mainstream parenting forums are anything to go by.
I find myself wondering if there is a line where our worry turns to panic and paranoia. I recently read
“I’m not putting my child online for any Tom,Dick or Harry to see – I don’t know who these people are looking at my blog – how do I know they aren’t getting some sort of ‘kick’ from my child’s photos?”
And I respect that persons opinion even if it’s quite different to my own. “These people” you refer to are just people, like the people that pass your children in the supermarket, swimming pool and the park every week. The woman sitting opposite us on the bus could be a paedophile but I’m not going to stop leaving the house ‘in case’ she is and ‘in case’ she looks at my child.
Yes there are paedophiles in this world, it’s horrible to think that such people exist but they do. There were paedophiles when we were children and long ,long, long before that. But we played as children out on the pavement in our street, waved at passers-by and generally made mischief and enjoyed childhood. We were taught ‘stranger danger’ at school and knew ‘not to talk to strangers’. But if we were at the park with our parents and a man was taking photos of his son playing, our parents never used to march over to him and insist that he destroys the camera film in case it may contain images that have us in coincidentally right there and then.
However, that was then and now we have the fancy new all flashing, all dancing age of the internet and all the pros and cons that comes along with it. At least once a month we hear of adults being arrested and charged with storing thousands of indecent images of children – so it’s only natural that we, as parents, worry more and more about the welfare of our children. And we can’t even turn to our own parents to ask ‘What did you do?’
The older generation got by perfectly well not sharing their little ones childhood photos with the world. Then again then got by perfectly well without the internet and that doesn’t mean I’m about to hurl my laptop into the kitchen bin!
When I go to the park with my kiddies these days I don’t even bother taking my camera in case I manage to offend anyone – and I really begrudge feeling that I have to do that! Surely I can’t be the only one?
I really do believe there’s no right or wrong on this subject, it’s a personal choice so feel free to speak your mind – I won’t take offence – much (just kidding!) I look forward to hearing your thoughts on posting photos of your child on your blogs and online in general!
I'm Annie and I live in the depths of the New Forest. Mother to many, wife to one, blogger, creative type, lover of real books and a bit of a lush.
I personally dont put any pictures of them on my blog in the bath/in just a nappy etc etc but thats just my personal opinion, i do use pictures however of them on my blog as i think they are beautiful and want to share their cheekiness.
I am also careful not to put pictures of others children online without their permission, you never know how they feel about it.
If your comfortable with it carry on, like you say its a personal decision
As mummy to a 3 year old who is about to start school nursery, I was shocked and stunned (and a little bemused) that I had to sign something to say I will allow them to take photo’s of Oliver while he is there. Apparently unless every parent signs this form, we wont be able to take photo’s of our little ones during school plays etc. This, in my opinion is ridiculous. I want to be able to photograph Oliver as an angel, a christmas tree, a wise man…whatever role he gets – even if its only to embarrass him when he is 18!
However, I wouldn’t put naked pics of him on FB or my blog – purely for the reason that I am never 100% sure who is looking at them. I WILL post them though if I have got a cleverly placed towel or toy hiding any important bits!
What a great post – its definitely got me thinking!
xxx
I actually have two blogs because of this issue. I started a blog just before my daughter was born, documenting my pregnancy and then her childhood. However, I decided that it was just way too much information and photos of her and I didn’t feel comfortable with the thought that anyone, anywhere could see it. Also, I wasn’t sure how she’d feel when she was older that I had shared so much about her with the world. So, I put a lock on that one and made it members only, and mainly write it for the benefit of our families who don’t live near us, and for her to read when she’s older. It’s very much about her, milestones, days out etc. I then started a second blog which is more ‘mine’ i.e. not just about my daughter and being a mummy – it’s about whatever I want to talk about on any particular day. It will have some stuff about her, and photos of her, but doesn’t, for example, give her real name whereas the first blog does, also there won’t be any naked-in-the-bath type photos. I feel better now I’ve done this
We were watching our boys play crickt on our village green a while ago, when I saw a chap filming the kids and surrounds. I went over and innocently asked why he was filming and for my troubles got a mouthful about how I was rude to assume he was some sort of paedophile and that it was people like me that caused all kinds of hysteria in the world…..had he have given me the chance to finish my question, I was actually asking if he was filming for the village as there was a video competition going on!!!!!! And I’m the one with the paranoia???!!!
Annie I have to say your thoughts on the subject are exactly the same as mine !Paedo’s DO have the whole world as their ‘playground’ (for want of a better way of putting it) from seeing kids in a playground/park to being on the bus….My mum usually posts most of our family pictures and as Katie said,often she will post pics of the younger ones with cleverly placed objects in front of the ‘private’ places…..its such a shame the world has come to this though. I second Katie’s words…great thought provoking post x
I post pictures of my children. Life is to short to live in fear. I hope I never live to regret those words…
Really good choice of subject. Here are my thoughts, for what they’re worth:
I blog as a diary of my children’s funny or poignant moments, and their entire personalities are in there. It is mostly for them in the future, however I am enjoying the fact that people I don’t know like reading it too. I never post pictures of their faces, and we all have pseudonyms. I never mention where we live and am careful about places I talk about (although it wouldn’t take a genius to find us if they really wanted to). This is not because I genuinely believe it puts them at risk, but because I am an irrational sort of person, who worries more than she should, but finds it hard not to. Taking these measures makes me feel more secure about what I’m doing, and as I often say ‘whatever helps you sleep at night’ is what you should do. As an example, I had 2 quite unsavoury facebook ‘likes’ a while ago, and panicked, expecting these people to track us down, and steal the children from their beds (we holidayed opposite Madeleine McCann’s apartment and it sparked in me a paranoia I could never have imagined, which has not left me since). Knowing that I have taken every measure to safeguard my children from such a thing helped me to realise how irrational my fears were, and put it down to spamming instead. It’s not wrong to post anything you like about your children, and I’m sure it is unlikely that paedophiles look at most of them, and if they do, they are not a tangible threat to those children. I maintain our anonymity because it is the only way I can experience this wonderful world of blogging and stay sane.
Thought provoking post.
I blog for me, and not about my children so there are no identifiable photos of them on my blog. Which doesn’t mean that I think it is a terrible thing to do, just that I prefer to keep my family’s anonymity on my blog. I have a unique name, and if I were to use my own name on my blog, then I would be instantly google-able, which I don’t want to be.
At present my children would not object to having their photo on the blog, but I am well aware of the changes that will come in the coming years as they head towards teenager years.
I don’t think that paedophiles trawl the net for pictures of children – and I believe that the scary stranger on the street with a camera is not the one we should be afraid of. More children are abused by people they know, so protecting your child from a paedophile should start with strengthening their self-esteem, making them aware of their right to privacy and ensuring they know how to say NO.
Personally,I love to share images of my children. I’m proud of them and think they are beautiful. But having said that, I also feel it is my responsibility to protect them, and that includes their modesty from the prying eyes of…well…who knows? I can’t begin to think how mortified I might be, if naked baby photos of me existed on the net. Admire my beautiful children by all means, but admire them appropriately clothed.
I don’t think it is peadophile paranoia – I don’t understand why it is necessary to take the risk. I keep those cheeky ones for my childrens own photo albums.
I appreciate the fact that things were more relaxed when we were children, and also that peadophiles have always existed, but the advent of the internet and social media have given them greater access to ‘indecent’ material and has enabled them to network with one another and form ‘rings.’ Like it not, the times have changed and as sad as it might be, unfortunately I feel, that for me, I must acknowledge that and act accordingly by not sharing naked images of my children.
I totally agree with your point of view! I don’t understand why people are critical of parents who post photos of their children online, but no one ever claims that allowing your child to play soccer or be in a play makes them bait for sickos. There are disgusting people in the world. I do everything I can to make sure my girls are safe. Has there ever been a case, EVER, of a child coming to some kind of harm because his mom posted a photo in a loving, positive context on a family blog?
Here’s my take on the situation. How am *I* or my children harmed if someone takes my child’s photo and uses it for kicks? How would I even know about it? And as an aside, my sister’s husband and the father of two of her children is currently serving 25 years in prison for molesting his own toddler daughter (yes, my niece) and a neighbor girl. He also likely molested my mentally handicapped brother though we can’t get a straight story about that one. And she posts pictures on facebook of her kids. The pedophiles are not usually found on the street or in the park. They’re usually found in your family tree.
How awful for you all. You are so right, that the people we need to be aware of are those who come in and out of our children’s lives, not their cyberspaces. I imagine it is not easy to spot the signs either.
What a terrible thing to happen to a family Tara. Sadly so many cases of abuse from childhood into adulthood and marriage come from within the family. My #2 husbands brother abused him as a child, sadly it’s a cycle of abuse that continued through his adult life when turned himself from victim to abuser (of me).
My husband and I are on opposite sides of this issue, so I had to take down all pictures I could and do not post any pictures in a public place. I am careful with my facebook privacy settings (though the way they can change at a moment’s notice kinda irks me!) His thoughts are more the fact that if someone DID decide to latch on to your child, making photos so available would just encourage that. And as a proud father, he feels like his children are the most beautiful in the world, so he wants to protect them. But my thoughts have always been: if someone wants to find you/your child, they will. But you can’t live in fear of it.
I have really enjoyed this post. You are so right. I have been thinking a lot about this issue and I have never been too sure about what to do. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
Hi — I’m in Canada, here via the Free Range Kids blog
I’m perfectly comfortable posting photos of my kid online (she’s 9, and I’ve been blogging since she was about 4; her dad and I are also on Facebook, and we post photos there too). I wouldn’t post naked or mostly naked photos, not because I’m afraid of paedophiles but just because I don’t think it’s appropriate — at least not past a certain age. (I think for most people there comes an age when you stop taking naked photos of your kids. Exactly when that age is presumably is different for every family.)
Like you, I try to be respectful of others’ opinions, especially when it comes to their kids. But I do feel like in some respects we’ve gone WAY too far. I can still take my camera to the park and snap photos of my daughter playing without getting into trouble, and I’m sad for you that you can’t do that. I certainly respect other parents’ desire not to have photos of their kids up online, but I resent it when they cross the boundary into telling me I shouldn’t have photos of my kid online either.
Does it squick me out to think about some paedophile somewhere enjoying photos of my child? Sure. But beyond squicking me out, does it do any harm to me or to her? Honestly, I can’t see how it does. I’m willing to take the chance for the sake of sharing photos of my daughter with the many, many members of our families who don’t live near enough to see her regularly.
Honestly I think there is a big difference. When photos are on the Internet for whomever to find, they can look at them constantly and whenever they want. You aren’t going to be on the bus or at the store or playground across from the pedophile indefinitely but those photos, stories and intimate details will be as long as you allow them. That’s my opinion anyway
Yeah, but so what? If some creeper is looking at pictures of your kid, and you never know about it, how is your kid harmed? It’s disgusting to think about, but I what you don’t know can’t hurt you, as they say.
Mammasaurus and Tara, I can’t imagine how awful these experiences have been for you. It is making me think that whatever we put on our blogs, and no matter how much personal outpourings take place on them, we will never truly know each other. What a strange world blogging is, where we let out so much intimate detail to so many strangers, and yet manage to keep some of our life to ourselves. Makes me think about doing a post on blogging and anonymity. Well done Annie for such a thought-provoking post!
I completely agree with you. Pedophiles are everywhere and they are going to do what they are going to do regardless of what pics I do or do not post of my kids online.
I don’t post pictures of them that I would mind being posted of myself, but that’s more because I find it tacky to post a picture of anyone naked in public, even if it is a baby.
As a journalist, I take the view that anything that occurs in public (i.e. taking your child to a mall or park) could potentially be photographed and online without you even knowing about it. Every time you walk out of your house, you could potentially come into the view of a pedophile. I wouldn’t hide my child from view outside or make them stay indoors, so I don’t see a reason not to post cute (clothed, appropriate) photos on FB and on my blog.
I’m less worried about pedophiles (as others have said, they’re going to do what they’re going to do, regardless) and more worried about my child’s own privacy. I try not to post things online that they themselves might find embarrassing in a few years.
I mostly agree, but my only hesitation is that the real world in not (1) indexed and (2) searchable. I put a video of my (fully clothed) pregnant self on YouTube to share with my family in the last weeks of my pregnancy and then saw it weirdly had 10,000 hits. I tracked it back to where it had been posted a porn site for men who have a pregnancy fetish. I vomited immediately, and haven’t been able to post pictures of myself since. It felt very violating.
Of course, I realize no harm actually came to me. And the liklihood that seeing a photo of you or your child online would spark a crime is no more likely than if someone saw you on the street. I totally agree people over-react to the exposure that online gives you, because being in the world is huge exposure.
But I also understand the special “fear of the net,” even more now. Mostly it is a place where, because of anonymity, we are forced to confront just how gross some of the world is. And it can be unnerving.
Oh blimey – I need to send this to my mum. I’d put off telling her about my blog because I knew what she’d say – and she did. Thanks for giving me some great arguments next time we have the discussion. We do live in a different world now. I think carefully about everything I post, but it is very difficult.
I agree with you entirely. I don’t think posting pics of my kids makes them a target for paedophiles; nor do I think that *not* posting pics will grant them immunity. The only thing I am slightly more wary about is posting photos that show The Boy in his school uniform, as that makes him identifiable and traceable – they can go on Facebook, where only friends can see them.
Great linky – I’ve put a post up that’s by far the most ever read on my blog. Lady Gaga is a School Run Mum, don’t you know!
I put pics of my children up from time to time, and really don’t think twice about it.
I post photos of Iyla on my blog, I personally wouldn’t choose to upload ones of here with no clothes on though. I just don’t really see the big deal, there are photos of kids modelling everywhere, what about the babies on the Pampers adverts etc..they are just as much of a target. I hate the thought of paedophiles browsing around the internet looking for that kind of thing as much as anyone else but then I hate it when suspicious old men look at Iyla in her pram. There are sick things happening in the world but I don’t think you can let it affect you life too much, otherwise you’d never go out x