Pulled from beneath the 'Rug of shame' for a jolly good beating


I attended a Grammar School for girls, you wouldn't have thought that from my poor spelling and shocking grammar, but I did. There were no boys (the dirty rascals) and lunchtimes were spent memorizing the lyrics to Madonna and Aha songs from copies of Smash Hits. When I was 12 years old I opted to learn Latin over German purely because my peers told me that Latin was a dead language and there was no point. I was also strongly advised to take GCSE Physics instead of Chemistry, by the Chemistry teacher himself as I 'lacked any basic knowledge, was a walking disaster should not be allowed within 5 feet of a bunsen burner'. I love a challenge and my defiance to my peers saw me favour GCSE Chemistry over Physics. After my GCSE exams I continued sixth form at my school. A level history and French, I wanted to travel the World and know uselss old facts. And yet two months later, bored of having hours to myself between lessons my mind wandered.

I met and fell in love with a man. A man who happened to be 30 years my senior. The mother in me will interject at this point and just point out that 'yep I know that is not a good thing', it's like 'lovebites' - not to be proud of or showed off to the world. Sadly a polo-neck jumper didn't hide the fact that I had fallen in love with this man and soon my family discovered my 'secret'.

The arguably overused phrase "While you are living under my roof you'll abide by my rules" was used which swiftly followed by me defiantly stating that in that case I was 'off''. I left home and moved in with the man.

Fast forward a year and I began to see my friends all going out and having fun whilst I played 'housewife' and I grew bored and the relationship came to an end.

This was the first 'big event' in my life that I can put down to pure boredom. Ahhh now you see why I like to keep myself busy...Ching! *that was the sound of a penny dropping - but just a 2p piece- after all it is Christmas and I have pressies to buy*

Some other very random background factoids about me include :

I have never held down a job for more than 4 months. Again, I get bored and lack motivation.

Conversely if I get an idea into my head that I believe is a good idea I will pursue that idea with every ounce of energy I have.

I've always found it hard to be faithful, as a girlfriend, as a wife. There is no need to lock up your husbands just yet as I am pleased to report that now I am getting older that that's no longer an issue I have. Honest guv.

I tend to be either very, very happy - like a bunny on a highly potent strain of Prozac hopping through fields of pure joy or life is awful, I cannot go on, I can't face the world and life is like one continuous sad Smiths song playing on loop.

Looking back in hindsight I find it easy to see that I have always had some degree of mental illness. This week I am re-tracing the significant parts of my life that have been effected by mental illness to try and raise awareness of how talking about these things can help other people not feel so alone. These things should be openly discussed not swept under the rug of shame.

Join me in making a Festive video of support by sending me a photo ...read here for more about this...

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