My Birth Story - sort of...

dscn1590.jpg

That little dahhhling Actually Mummy has asked for people to share their birth stories so here's mine! Well not mine obviously because I was a little too busy being squeezed out through my mothers vajaja to have taken down notes for a potential blogging prompt 36 years later... My initial dilemma was which birth story to write? I have had eight births and my older children read this blog and so to write one particular birth story may cause 'but that means you like him better then meeee mum - it's not fair' type reactions. My second dilemma is that I have been lucky in that my births have all gone smoothly with one minor exception which I'll get to later. It's wonderful that I have had such drama-free births but I'm not sure that they make for great bloggy reading.

And so onto my Birth Story - of sorts- my montage / mega-mix (a la Jive Bunny) of bizarre birth recollections, followed by a serious birth bit and a video of me in labour...

Yes I have had a pooh during birth - I thought it was the baby coming but sadly it turned out to be a pooh, 'it' was taken away without any fuss or ado but we all knew that I had just crapped on the bed.

Sometimes during childbirth funny things happen and sometime they do not. An example of not funny: When I was experiencing painful contractions and turned to Papasaurus to ask him "What time is it?" (to gauge how far apart the contractions were) , he replied "Chico Time" and then picking up on my inner rage building changed that to "err Hammer Time?" An example of funny: The sound of the midwife running down our stairs only to knock herself out on the low ceiling. Now that was funny.

My third birth was a quickie and it took 3 midwives and my husband at the time to lift me from the bath and carry me, complete with waters breaking, to the bed.

Once, during a home birth the door bell rang only for my mum to answer it and announce to my surprise that the midwife had arrived. Surprising in what way? you may wonder - the midwife turned out to be the midwife that delivered me as a baby!

During my last birth I was sat on the loo, butt naked yamming a chocolate digestive (we've all been there - err right?) The midwife walked in, pointed to a large mole that I have on my left boob and asked if it was "a bit of chocolate or a bit of pooh". Papasaurus still mentions this event nearly 3 years later. It's either very funny or a bit of a comedy twat.

With my 4th birth, which was in hospital, the nurse who was examining to see how far dilated I was asked to 'cough' for her. I promptly replied that I would 'f*cking choke if it meant her giving me some pain relief that actually f*cking worked'. I am such a charmer.

[wpvideo 2OiQTYwa]

All joking aside there was one scary moment of childbirth. My seventh birth was at home, planned to be at home and a very relaxed affair. I was in the final stages of pushing when I heard the midwives muttering something about calling an ambulance. Fear set in and I was told that 'baby need to come out NOW' and so I pushed as hard as I could. Baby was born but to everyones surprise baby came out wrapped three times in the cord there was a true knot in it. This true knot had been tightening whilst baby was being born and was the cause of the drop in heart rate that had alerted the midwives to the fact that something was 'not right'. The midwives had never seen a true knot before and ending up taking it back to the local birthing centre to show the other midwives (EW). Scary how we nearly lost our little Bean that day, and that fact was brought home even more when a dear friends baby died during childbirth a few days later.

Have you got a birth story to share? Hop aboard a magic cyber unicorn now and wing your way over to Actally Mummy to share yours in her linky list. Actually Mummy