BEWARE THE SMELL OF DEATH

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Last night Motherventing aka Queen Biscuit and I shouted across Twitter, CAPS LOCK and all, about our periods. You may have seen our banshee like screams of such nuggets of feminine charm such as 'I SMELL OF ROTTING ANIMAL CARCASES' and 'I BLEEEEEEEEED'. Queen Biscuit has just posted the funniest post that I have ever read in my entire life on the matter over at her little spot of cyberspace entitled 'The Eagle Has Landed'. I really hope that that title reels in some passing daddy bloggers who will no doubt recoil in horror and remain limp for a fortnight. Serves them right for not having a bleeding fanny I say.

I have to add to the blob related rantingd that sanitary towels are WRONG

First fact - having blood pour from your vajaja onto a plastic backed crinkly pad is NOT sanitary. It is VILE. You feel the blood oozing out too and ALWAYS panic for at least 8.7 seconds until you realise that you do, in fact, have a 'sanitary' towel stuck into your knickers.

Second fact - if you put the 'sanitary' towel in in a hurry or whilst under the influence of gin there is an 85% probability factor that you will get a bit of the sticky backing stuck to your lady garden and have to remove it PAINFULLY.

Queen Biscuit likens wearing a sanitary towel to wearing a nappy. I whole heartedly agree, plus as the lady says there's the smell. THE SMELL OF DEATH. Sanitary towels are comparable to the sweaty bit of paper you find under mince in pre-packed supermarket packets and I'm not about to start lining my knickers with them.

You can buy little scented bags to pop sanitary towels in before wanging them in your bathroom bin (a bit like a nappy bag). HOLD ON A COTTON PICKING MINUTE! You mean to say that we pop them in a sweet smelling bag to dispose of the 'death rags' so as not to 'stink out' the bathroom bin but we happily wear them in our pants for hours on end?!

If anyone wants me I'll be waiting to see the Dragons - my scented period pants are going to be all the rage in 2012 !